A Long Pause

You want to run away. You have spent the entirety of your childhood and early adulthood in Chennai. You are free-spirited, of course, and try to get away as much as you can to faraway lands in order to breathe. But, why are you feeling suffocated in the first place?

You begin by feeling sad. People tell you it is a phase, even when you lose interest in your job and refuse to pick up calls or meet people. And, you believe them. You grow sadder, and the weight on your shoulders has grown so heavy that you constantly experience fatigue pains in your neck and lower back. You seek medical help and are told that your muscles are tight. A small fortune is spent on physiotherapy,X-rays, MRIs and the lot, but nothing cures the pain. You stress over the pain and spend days lying on your cotton mattress, wondering if it will ever go away. That pain, over time, turns into a burning anxiety that you can feel in the pit of your stomach. Your heart races and you suddenly cannot breathe. Maybe you should take a deep breath. Phew.